I just landed a shit that was so massive; it was the size and shape of Florida... I practically had to stand up to deliver it... seriously, Norse Sagas will be written about it.... I knew it was gonna be huge when I had to strip naked beforehand... fists clenched, body sweating and shaking... it seriously smelt like rotten prawns left laying out in the mid-summer sun for a week... it had glowing eyes of corn as well (I dunno when I last ATE corn - FUCK!) It stood up and was so long it nearly toppled out of the bowl, which I thought was gonna crack... I gagged - violently. My neighbors called out, worried I might need an ambulance. I think I tore something inside - Jesus. I had to stomp that fucker down with MULTIPLE flushes. Plus I ran out of paper. Afterwards, I just sat shivering on the tiled floor in the shower, sobbing. No more Scottish family restaurant food for me for a while, I think... just thought you should know about my day...

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.

>28456
This thread might be of interest for you.

>>>28465
Whoops.

Scratch that, I don't know if I want to obtain proof of Macker doxxing himself.

Maybe a censored screenshot would suffice?

>>28456
Do you care for the cuhcord, drama that ensued with Danny Rot deleting his account? Those dude's came from discord, and found us through him. And if Geordie is to be believed, are now inactive.

>How many of you are still around
maybe 5 or 6. a few others pop in on rare occasion
>why have you stopped posting on /bant/?
geordie moved his activities almost entirely to /b/ drawthreads, twitter, and 9chan (now here since 9chan is dead) following the carmen stream since she was keeping watch on /bant/, so most of us followed him, and since /bant/ is shit now, most of us eventually left there entirely as well
>What happened to Carmen, is our boy living apart now with a handler or has he just beaten her into submission?
no one knows, rumor has it she died and he buried her deep inside of his piss closet. he said she was having some sort of medical issues and at one point he moved into her bedroom
>What happened to Sig?
no clue about this one
>Why does the Australian police force allow the senile old man to continue grooming mentally ill children and rape our eyeballs with his edits?
if they were to arrest santa claus, that would ruin christmas forever
>Do you also think eggplant is disgusting?
i don't think i've ever had it

>>28454
>maybe 5 or 6. a few others pop in on rare occasion
Are you talking about the /bant/ peeps? Because on 9, we had people like AJ, Crayon, Saggot, me and a few others appear, then come and go. Like the lainbee bro asking Geordie to draw it for him. Over here on End, we had Animo, for a bit. Gained bookbro and Swedebro. Recently lost Wiz. And got overwhelmed, with discord and Deviantart sagas. But tbf, bookbro and swedebro don't even acknowledge Geordie's existence.

>>28372
If Macker the Trannie drinks enough of his favourite Bug Lite, he will piss furiously on anyone anywhere anytime.
Because he does not lie.

>>28433
This one vibes.

>>28420
>its just a game
>let uncle geordie talk to you in private little boy
lol

>>28435
you're so terribly retarded its not funny
to not hear about analog content like this is an uncultured wimpy man . and stop calling me geordie, it's *jordan* . and this ARG doesnt even involve real beings
>>28424
>proving me right
knew it lol

>>28443
Oh my! Very much scaries. 🤯😵‍💫

>cant tell broken heart emojis and irony apart
nigga so broke 😊

>>28439
stop using my art, you get no permission

>>28441
Groovy, baby. Yeah 🔆🛡

>>28428
Midnight for (You)... Shadow People time.
(You) must have just got out of bed for the day.

>>28429
>>28430
>>28431
>>28438
There's no shadow people you inbred pedoretard. I'm the only one saying it because who else will? Ingrate

>>28442
They know where you live

>>28415
>>28415
>>28415
Mic drop

>>28418
Screencapping doesn't prove anything... are you seriously going to being a moron at this??? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. SIMPLE AS.

>>28422
Stop posting on here, Tard.
It's that simple.
Yes, it is.

>>28422
>posting things i say dont show things i say
lol pdd